Laughter, the best medicine

They say that laughter is the best medicine.

Well, I know that I have the greatest healer taking care of me but laughter certainly does help! And I certainly had a good laughter this afternoon.

My mother usually goes on siesta at around 1:30 to 2 pm then wakes up near 3:00 pm to watch her telenovelas (soaps) on TV in our living room, however, this afternoon she switched channel and was watching the news TV and they were showing the impeachment proceeding of Chief Justice Corona live. I just came from the bedroom when I saw the proceeding started and so standing I also looked and it was an interesting and funny proceeding. The prosecutors were definitely not prepared and they knew that what they wanted to happen is not actually acceptable yet they went to argue anyway hoping that they will be allowed to... "Palusot" is our word for it, I don't know the exact English equivalent of that word -- pushing your luck or maybe chancing your arm? Anyway, I was just smiling along with the leader of defense panel(well I can certainly see the grin on his face)listening to the long and funny argument of one of the prosecutor when the Honorable Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago took the stand and spoke angrily and colorfully starting in English and moving to Tagalog with a tinge of Ilonggo at the peak of her discourse. She was really lambasting the prosecutors and she has every right to but she did it in a very funny way. She is really one intelligent, witty,FUNNY and colorful woman. I couldn't help but laugh and a good thing that the Senate President called for a minute recess (I heard that it was the longest minute) since it was near my 3 pm prayer time. I really had to do some settling down before I could start my prayer!

I don't really like politics... such discussion usually cause distress and I definitely don't want to be distressed or stressed especially in my condition. However, today politics was not a source of distress but therapy as my heart and lungs had a good exercise from laughing! Maybe it is not a bad idea to watch some more?

Angelic Choir

I have been going to the chapel in our place once again for the morning mass. There has been a lot of changes there since 6 months ago. There are new priests, many of the people in charge are different, the bell is not regularly rang anymore before the mass, there were days with no choir and some of the regulars I saw are gone with new people attending.

Yesterday and today were days with no choir... well no regular choir that is.

Yesterday, while already seated on the pew and the commentator started reading the mass intentions and welcomed the priest presider, nobody sang the entrance song. There was no choir! The commentator knew me and know that I used to sing in the choir before and gave me an "eye." Knowing what she wanted, I sang as loud as I can, an appropriate entrance song and soon enough the congregation followed.

This morning, I arrived early in the chapel and I heard some people talking about the choir the other day. They could not see the people singing but there were voices. Must have been some of the kids or maybe angels?

Hmmm... Angelic choir??? That was me!!! :-)

Well not all of me. I just started it. The people sensed that there were no music coming from above so they followed and it actually sounded better since there was no powerful voice on the microphone but different voices everywhere.

There were no choir once again this morning and this time the commentator and I already talked. As the celebration started, I sang from where I was at one of the back pews and once again the people followed in the singing. There were still others whose heads turned up to where the choir sings, once again they found nobody!

Hmmm...angels once again? How I wish!

Doctors' verdict

My obgyn oncologist and oncologist-surgeon finally saw my blood result and CT-scans result and they we soooo happy. The chemo worked! No additional chemo needed.

If they are happy I am much much much much more happier! Thank you Lord!

Thank you... thank you... thank you! :-)

The Healing Sounds

Today is the feast day of the Sto. Niño. A special feast day of the Child Jesus only in the Philippines. This is also one of the most festive feast day we have in our country with big celebrations in different areas of the country including Cebu where they have their yearly Sinulog Festival.

I have been to Cebu a couple of times including during their Sinulog Festival and what really strikes me each time is the "Sinulog Sound". I think the people there take the distinct sound seriously that you'll see a lot of practice going on in the streets and other busy areas the whole year. Young male adults with their drums and their trumpets and other instruments giving their strongest and best sound in harmony. Each time I hear the sounds especially of the drums, I feel them penetrating my body and their vibration are like healing energy reaching out to every cell of my being!

I keep remembering the healing sensation I have when I hear the "Sinulog" sounds when I hear the ringing in my ears --- which sounds like a hundred cicadas screaming! It has been there a long time after I started my chemo but I don't exactly know when it started. I don't get to notice this noise during the day when there are other sounds to compete with it... but during the night when everything else is silent... it is there, never stopping. I've learned to live with it... doesn't really bother me anymore. And sometimes during the night I actually concentrate on this sound thinking that like the healing effect of the drums they too are healing my body!

Visualization has always been difficult for me, but I allow the sound to slowly descend as I think of every part of my body starting from the head all the way to my feet... allowing it to linger more in my weak areas... imagining... praying that it drives away the bad cells and strengthen my good cells.

Don't know if this "noise" will ever go away but I will tap on its capacity to heal rather than allow it to irritate me!

FROG on CTScan Result

FROG that is an acronym for Fully Rely On God according to Fr. Fernando Suarez' homily in The Healing Eucharist today.

If I rely on myself, then something might still go wrong but if I rely on God, nothing can go wrong because He is in control of everything and wants the best thing for me.

My brother, who went to get my CT-Scan results yesterday came home very very late since he and his wife went to another function after so I was not able to see my result.

I saw the bag with the CT-scan results when I woke up this morning but did not want to check it out yet. I celebrated with mama the mass on TV presided by Fr. Suarez and afterwards said the rosary. My family started to come out of their rooms and I asked if anybody checked out the result, nobody did. Jenny, my sister was going to check it and I said No, I'll do it in a bit. My sis-in-law was smiling saying that the result will not change already. Of course we knew that... but I still wanted to delay it a bit.

Finally read the result after breakfast, I don't really understand all the stuff written there but I found something different and checked it out in the internet. It says I have mild Bronchiectatis, an uncommon lung condition. Well it probably explains the pain in still have in my chest. At least it is not cancer.

I will have to wait for my doctor's verdict but as Fr. Suarez say FROG... Fully Rely on God!
So like a frog, my faith leaps knowing that God is in control!

Blood Test Result

I had my Chest and whole abdominal CT scans today. After I had them, I went to the hospital to get my blood result for the cancer tumor marker CA-125.

The result was good!

It was not zero as I prayed, though the doctor told me that it will not really be zero, but it was reduced. From the previous level of 8.10 after my third chemo, it is now 6.20 which is within the normal level of 0 - 35.

Thank you Lord!

Tomorrow I get the result of my CT scans.

Take charge, O Lord!

Blood test

Today I have my blood test to check on my cancer level.

I want it so much to be within normal range... even zero!

The gospel today from Mk 1:40-45 was reassuring as it talks about how Jesus cleaned a leper. The leper begged Jesus saying "If you wish, you can make me clean." and Jesus moved with pity stretched out His hands and touched him saying "I do will it. Be made clean." And I prayed to Him to clean my blood... my body of all cancer cells and I feel Him saying "Yes Beth, I do will it. Be clean of your cancer!"

After I had my blood extracted and was walking to the hospital lobby, I could hear the pianist playing "Impossible Dream". My brother still had to get his car from the parking on another building so I stood near the piano and facing him sang the lyrics softly. My nose and lips were covered by my mask but he could hear me and he smiled. He then played "I Believe" and I continued to sang along humming when I forgot some of the lyrics and thinking "Yes Lord, I believe... I believe that nothing is impossible with you!" He followed the music with "You'll Never Walk Alone" and I still sang with his music and continued with my thought "Lord, I know I am in a storm...a health crisis but I should never fear because you are always with me." I was still singing softly as I left him to proceed to the entrance and heard him play "Walk with faith in your heart" and continued singing softly while waiting for the car to come in view and thought further "How nice his choice of songs, they suit me perfectly!" then I added "You know Lord, I think You had a hand in his choice... thank you!"

And now here at home, I await my blood result and say "Lord make it clean!" and I imagine Him telling me "Yes Beth, I will it. It will be clean!"

How Blessed to be with Mama

I was talking with my cousin over Skype and we got to talk about my aunt, her mother, whose birthday is today. My aunt is in the province and has dementia. My cousin is in the Middle East. Most of her siblings are abroad or in other provinces. Only one brother is with her and he is out most of the time so there is no family to take care of her.

She called her mother on the mobile phone to wish her happy birthday but instead my aunt told her happy birthday and she answered back "No it is not my birthday but your birthday!" then my cousin said she cried. My aunt could not care for herself anymore, my cousin wants so much to take care of her but she is so far away! She could not really rely on her brother to give her the care and love that she wants to give her. Even the help they got could not give her the care that she wants my aunt to have!

I could feel how tormented she was and felt really sad for her. Then I looked at mama and thought how blessed I am to be with her. I am blessed because she takes care of me but I am also blessed because somehow I am able to take care of her and be with her.

Rony

Today, my former office mate's brother, Rony was buried. He is only 48 years old and he suffered a lot before his death on New Year's day.

I wrote earlier that he was finally discharged on the 17th of December after being in the hospital for 3 months. I was so happy to know about his coming home and thought he would recover faster in his own home.

Meldy was composed when I was talking with her but her eyes showed her grief! She talked about Rony's last days. They got to enjoy Christmas as he was okay though he had a full time caregiver with him. However, on the 30th of December they noticed that he just kept on sleeping and called his doctor who said that it was the effect of the medicine and they should just let him rest and observe him. They did not immediately panic because he has had such episodes before, however, when it was getting longer they already brought him to the hospital.

His was in bad condition and the doctor told them that something was wrong with the brain and that he might not live long and that even if he lives he would no longer be able to function normally, so they have to decide if they want him in life support. To put ones life into your hands... to decide whether one should live or die... that is heavy on the heart! They signed the waiver, only asked for ventilator so he could breathe. No life support and no reviving if he goes into an arrest.The doctor told them that something is wrong with his brain yet he was still able to respond with his head on their questions. He could not talk but he was able to communicate and he told his sisters that he was tired. And with heavy heart, they told him to rest.

Their hearts are heavy now... but Rony's life was not really in their hands. God decides! He decided that Rony should be with Him, he will be at peace and without pain. And in time Meldy and her whole family's hearts will be light again.

New Year, New Beginnings

We have an orchid in our garden but it has not flowered for a long long time. However, just recently I saw some buds and was really excited. I kept watching it grow and soon I could see that the flowers would be of purple color. Most of the orchids that flower in our garden are the white ones and so I was more excited.

And this New Year, three flowers bloomed, they are really pretty! I was thinking how lovely to greet the new year. New life, new beginning!

I am certainly looking forward to a new beginning. I have finished my 6-cycle chemo last December 15, 2011 and would have my blood test and ct-scans on the 12th of this year. I'm recovering my health hoping for good results. My family and friends assure me that the result will be good, even the Lord reassured me from my readings that I will be healed! So I'm excited and happy. My family celebrated New year's eve at home and that made me more happy and blessed. Certainly a good feeling to start the year.

In the afternoon, I got a text message. It was from my friend Meldy. She said that her brother Rony died at 2 pm.

Remember Rony? I have been praying for him. He has been in the hospital a long time and Meldy is also losing hope. I was praying for an urgent miracle that he be healed so he can spend Christmas with his family. I was so glad when I got a message on my birthday that he was finally discharged from the hospital. So he will spend Christmas season with his family. And He did!

However, he did not stay long enough. I can feel from Meldy's text messages that he has not really fully recovered as her replies became short with a tinge of sadness. I used to write her longer messages for assurances but I could feel that it only made her more sad so I made them short so she just knows that someone is there for her.

When I got her text, I did not know how to write a comforting message. I wanted to comfort her so much but I knew that words would not make up. Maybe words were not necessary because she was thankful that I was around to pray with them. And she was somehow comforted knowing that her brother Rony is now in heaven where there is no more pain... where he will have a new beginning! A better beginning with God!

I was listening to Lifelines, a CD by Fr. Bob McConaghy. His first talk was on Miracles. he says that all miracles we experience are temporary except for one and that is our last miracle, when we finally spend our eternal life in heaven with God.

So this new year, I am looking forward to new beginnings, lots of miracles! The last miracle, I leave unto God's hands in His own time.

I know that there will be moments of doubts and fears but I will live feeling grateful thinking that everyday is God's miracle.