Felt a lot of discomfort the past couple of days. Just thought how lucky I am to have a family that cares for me... especially a mother who despite being in pain also as you can see from her deformed body brought by osteoporosis just pours out her care for me.
Sometimes I would think of my family as dysfunctional, far from the ideal calm family. Our household is oftentimes like a riot especially with all the kids around... small kids... big kids (that would include me!) but in every crisis, you feel their concern.
It is a this moment that I truly feel blessed to have my family and I thank God for them!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Perseverance
I read Luke 8:4-15 (The parable of the sower), the gospel for today and was struck on the last word "Perseverance". Reflecting on it, I felt that I had a lot of working on my perseverance of being a true Christian. I realized that like many other people, I too am chocked by the anxieties (most of them useless actually), riches (though I don't really long for so much, I realized that I could be attached to some things also) and pleasures of life (well I look forward to enjoyment too), it is only through prayer and God's constant calling that I am somehow able to break free from most of these thorns that block my complete union with God. So I have to persevere in my prayer, not just babbling words but really believing every word I say... to have a prayer not from my mind but from my heart... and to be able to release that prayer in my action! It is a lot of work but that is what would make God happy!
I was still carrying the word when I remembered our talk on your attending a centering prayer and there is one thing that you can't understand from the practice, why would you disregard a consoling thought which you are certain is coming from the Lord. All I told you is that the practice is just a method the leads you to contemplation and being in union with God and that there are other methods, including the rosary that could lead you to contemplation. You know I've read books on centering prayer and attended retreats and workshop but I am not really one to be able to tell you exactly on what it is, what it covers. But I do know that I like the prayer because it is a simple prayer that allows you to just spend a moment with God with no expectation, that what is most important is your commitment and desire to spend it with Him. I like the idea of letting go of all thought (even holy thoughts), meaning not entertaining them but just letting them pass by and focus once again on the silence by saying so gently the sacred word, or doing the sacred gaze if you are in the adoration chapel. I like it because often times when I am not busy, my mind is full of thoughts that I would sometimes tell myself to just stop thinking!
I believe the idea in centering prayer of letting go of even those consoling thoughts you mentioned is a preparation for the time when you will no longer have them. You are lucky if you have consoling thoughts all through your life but I've learned that there will be moments when you will pray and you will not have the consolation of feeling God's presence, when only your faith tells you that He is there even if you can't feel Him so your persevere in your prayer and wait until He decides to give you consolation again... all in His own time.
This thought made me remember the 3 Teresas. Teresa of Avila (just finished rereading John Beevers' book on her), Therese of Lissuex and Mother Teresa of Calcutta. All three had consolations early on in their life but they experienced dark nights and the feeling of the absence of God. But they persevered because it is not their feeling that was important but God. Oh how I wish I could be like them!
Then I thought about you again Sis Dale, and thought how great it is to have consolations from God... your descriptions of your visions and your dialogue with Him could be so vivid and I know He has a purpose. You are bringing so many souls closer to Him!
I don't get that vivid vision, but I do feel His presence. I wish He'd show himself to me clearly like He does to you. But even without it, I know He is at work in my life because of the so many miracles happening in my life... and that is the revelation of Himself to me... of his love for me. That is why I know I have to persevere to show Him my love!
In mass when the priest raises the host, the body of Christ, the congregation would answer "My Lord and my God." I say that too, but often times I say "My God and my all!" and I know that I have to persevere so that it is not just in my lips but really in my heart.
I was still carrying the word when I remembered our talk on your attending a centering prayer and there is one thing that you can't understand from the practice, why would you disregard a consoling thought which you are certain is coming from the Lord. All I told you is that the practice is just a method the leads you to contemplation and being in union with God and that there are other methods, including the rosary that could lead you to contemplation. You know I've read books on centering prayer and attended retreats and workshop but I am not really one to be able to tell you exactly on what it is, what it covers. But I do know that I like the prayer because it is a simple prayer that allows you to just spend a moment with God with no expectation, that what is most important is your commitment and desire to spend it with Him. I like the idea of letting go of all thought (even holy thoughts), meaning not entertaining them but just letting them pass by and focus once again on the silence by saying so gently the sacred word, or doing the sacred gaze if you are in the adoration chapel. I like it because often times when I am not busy, my mind is full of thoughts that I would sometimes tell myself to just stop thinking!
I believe the idea in centering prayer of letting go of even those consoling thoughts you mentioned is a preparation for the time when you will no longer have them. You are lucky if you have consoling thoughts all through your life but I've learned that there will be moments when you will pray and you will not have the consolation of feeling God's presence, when only your faith tells you that He is there even if you can't feel Him so your persevere in your prayer and wait until He decides to give you consolation again... all in His own time.
This thought made me remember the 3 Teresas. Teresa of Avila (just finished rereading John Beevers' book on her), Therese of Lissuex and Mother Teresa of Calcutta. All three had consolations early on in their life but they experienced dark nights and the feeling of the absence of God. But they persevered because it is not their feeling that was important but God. Oh how I wish I could be like them!
Then I thought about you again Sis Dale, and thought how great it is to have consolations from God... your descriptions of your visions and your dialogue with Him could be so vivid and I know He has a purpose. You are bringing so many souls closer to Him!
I don't get that vivid vision, but I do feel His presence. I wish He'd show himself to me clearly like He does to you. But even without it, I know He is at work in my life because of the so many miracles happening in my life... and that is the revelation of Himself to me... of his love for me. That is why I know I have to persevere to show Him my love!
In mass when the priest raises the host, the body of Christ, the congregation would answer "My Lord and my God." I say that too, but often times I say "My God and my all!" and I know that I have to persevere so that it is not just in my lips but really in my heart.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Letter to Sis Dale
So I am finally going to start my journal my dear Sis Dale and I really don't know how!
You first told me to start one when I first opened to you about my inner thoughts before I had my operation, the start of my healing process after being diagnosed with the BIG "C!" That was in July yet. Even my siblings wanted me to write. I would have loved to write but every time I open my computer and start. I could not!
You told me again today to work on a journal to write about God's inspirations to me during these moments but honestly most of the time, I see no visions nor words. All I know is that He is with me all throughout. That He will see me through this all at His own perfect time and design. So I see myself as having an idyllic moment with Him with no expectation but just spending time in His presence. Like Mary waiting at the feet of Jesus just savoring His presence!
I know that there is something brighter coming my way after all this so I wait.
I wait for the Dawn!
Does that mean that I am currently in my NIGHT time spending my dark moments? Of course not! Night time is when you get your rest from all your preoccupations! And I certainly am setting aside my concerns just to rest in Him... Ahh that would not be the exact truth, sometimes small concerns do prop up in my head but praying, communicating with Him eases my mind and spirit.
You told us once that you had a vision from God and He gave you a new name... "Aurora"... Bukang Liwayway... DAWN! I thought I'd properly title this journal with reference to your new name and the title of a song I borrowed from a friend "Waiting for the Dawn." I hope that as I wait for a brighter vision and clearer mission from God, you will be my inspiration. Your zest for the service of Him, our beloved.
I don't know how long I will be in waiting, or what would come next! All I know it that Dawn will surely come and I eagerly await it!
You first told me to start one when I first opened to you about my inner thoughts before I had my operation, the start of my healing process after being diagnosed with the BIG "C!" That was in July yet. Even my siblings wanted me to write. I would have loved to write but every time I open my computer and start. I could not!
You told me again today to work on a journal to write about God's inspirations to me during these moments but honestly most of the time, I see no visions nor words. All I know is that He is with me all throughout. That He will see me through this all at His own perfect time and design. So I see myself as having an idyllic moment with Him with no expectation but just spending time in His presence. Like Mary waiting at the feet of Jesus just savoring His presence!
I know that there is something brighter coming my way after all this so I wait.
I wait for the Dawn!
Does that mean that I am currently in my NIGHT time spending my dark moments? Of course not! Night time is when you get your rest from all your preoccupations! And I certainly am setting aside my concerns just to rest in Him... Ahh that would not be the exact truth, sometimes small concerns do prop up in my head but praying, communicating with Him eases my mind and spirit.
You told us once that you had a vision from God and He gave you a new name... "Aurora"... Bukang Liwayway... DAWN! I thought I'd properly title this journal with reference to your new name and the title of a song I borrowed from a friend "Waiting for the Dawn." I hope that as I wait for a brighter vision and clearer mission from God, you will be my inspiration. Your zest for the service of Him, our beloved.
I don't know how long I will be in waiting, or what would come next! All I know it that Dawn will surely come and I eagerly await it!
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