Don't worry Trust God

Yesterday, mama and I had our siesta late and it was already dark when I woke up and my hands touched my right breast. Under it I felt a lump that was painful. My right chest has been feeling some heaviness and pain the past days and I also have been feeling on my right breast and would check it but could not feel any lump until yesterday.

As mama was beside me, I also asked her to touch it and I told her that I do not want to have another operation and if I have another mass that I would try herbal or something else. We both felt sad but she prayed over me and that made my heart lighter.

Today, I wasn't feeling too well since I still feel the pain on the right chest and breast plus my stomach has been acting up for 4 days already. Well it is partly because I have been eating a lot during the past days also and so finally started to eat just banana and rice and grilled fish plus lots of fluid and oral rehydration salt. Anyway, I try not to think about it but after my afternoon prayer and while waiting to take my medicine before going on my siesta I was randomly reading reflections on the "Our Daily Bread 2012" my sister gave me for Christmas. I have been reading on several random days reading and reflections when my doubt on my health crept up again. And I prayed once more and asked the Lord to answer if I would still make it on my next birthday... my 50th birthday! I told Him I'll go to the page for December 19 and wait for His answer.

The quote for that day was from Mark 5:34:

"Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace and be healed of your affliction."

The evangelist, Mark wrote "daughter" not son or anything else but daughter! God knew before hand that I would be asking the question and look at that page and He gave me His answer even before I asked it. He is truly a great God. I don't know why I still keep worrying. I should just trust Him completely and be at peace as I go through my healing.

My soul, don't worry! Trust God!

New Christmas Tradition

Our family as in the previous years is celebrating the Noche Buena.

We had our get-together in midnight sharing simple meal and the kids opening up their gifts. We could hear our neighbor having a sing-a-long earlier in the day but they stopped near midnight. We on the other hand opened our videoke but we only played Christmas songs. No one really sang-a-long, mostly it was just background music while we ate our Noche Buena. There was something new though. Earlier I asked my nephew to put the name of everyone in pieces of paper and fold them and after our meal we drew lots and you will have to do an act of kindness or service to the person whose name you picked on Christmas day.

It was funny but one nephew, Laurence who is 10 years old was wondering earlier what could he do it he picked up the name of my mother... and true enough he picked her name and suddenly went on the floor as he exclaimed "Oh men!" and we all laughed.

Christmas day I was up early and was having breakfast when Laurence came in with a mug in his hand. I asked him what he will do and he said he will prepare coffee for mama... ah his good deed since he knew mama loves coffee! I noticed that mama had coffee earlier and so I told him to ask her first. He went to her room and came out exclaiming "Oh men!" He was not able to accomplish his mission! I told mama about it and she said that she just wanted to rest and that the kids should not be noisy, so I told him that his good deed involved reminding his cousins not to be noisy.

I actually picked Laurence also and it was hard to do a good deed for him Christmas day as we had visitors and our help had their day off so I was able to do it the next day already.

I was thinking this year it was not easy to implement this act of kindness but in time I want it to be part of my family's Christmas Tradition where we don't just pick up the name on Christmas eve but much earlier so that we have a longer time to do our act of kindness. I certainly am looking forward to this!

What Matter in Christmas is Mater, right?

I have been spared from materialism this Christmas!

I have not been going out much so I didn't get to see the crowded malls, the busy shopping areas, the bright lights and decors that adorn the streets, buildings and most areas during Christmas.

The decors we put at home were old Christmas lights (that still worked, thank God!) on our window, the Belen (nativity scene) with small Christmas tree that goes with the scene plus another small one (though slightly bigger than the other) on top of another cabinet where some of the gifts were placed. The church has been saying that we should focus Christmas back to Christ and I'm happy that we had a simple Christmas celebration this year.

As I was reflecting on the call to bring the focus of Christmas back to Christ, I thought that Mary's "Yes" to the Angel Gabriel was the best gift Christ had. Christ's Christmas gift was his mother, or "Mater" in Latin. Mary and Joseph on the other hand had Christ as their gift -- His presence in their lives! Yet, they had other good gifts in between. For like us, I figured that they too had moment of doubts when they said their "Yes" to God that they somehow need assurances too.

Mary's biggest assurance came when she went to visit her cousin Elizabeth to serve her. When Elizabeth proclaimed her greeting to her after John, the child in her womb leaped for Joy, Mary was so filled with happiness that she exclaimed her Magnificat. The Angel was right!

I also thought that the three magi's visit was more for Joseph than for Christ. Babies don't care for gifts and Christ like any baby would not have appreciated the gold, frankincense and myrrh they brought but would rather have His mother's milk and touch! But I could imagine the effect of the three magi's presence to Joseph! He would have been very happy and reassured that he made the right decision when he listened to the angel in his dream and took Mary as his wife even if she was with child. For now before him was Christ, the savior! And though not that important, their gifts had bearing too, for he would have used it to care for his family when they flee to Egypt.

So material gifts we give and receive on Christmas are good but our presence and love to our friends are better. And we should remember that Christ's presence in our life is our biggest gift not just on Christmas but everyday of our lives. He is always there for us even if we don't always feel His presence. However, it is always great to get reassurances of His presence and love.

A merry and blessed Christmas to all!

May we always be sensitive t0 Christ's presence in our lives! And may our presence to others remind them of Christ in their lives! (",)

Presentation

Our company field auditors are having their annual meeting in the conference room of one of our warehouses. I used to be in charge of this meeting and training but Raul took over since I am on leave. Actually he called me last week informing me of the meeting and told me that they would come to my home for my birthday and bring their dinner with them. I told him that we are having a family get-together that day and I would just go there the next day if I am up to since I also made a Training Presentation on Fraud Auditing.

I had time in my hands and I was able to get a book on Fraud Auditing and I knew that the information will help improve the skills of the auditors. At first, I thought I would make a manual which they could use but when Raul told me that they will push through with the meeting, I decided to turn it to a presentation instead thinking that my chemo would have been finished a week before and my body would have recovered from the usual pain and discomfort after the chemo.

The Powerpoint presentation was ready and so was I. I knew that my brother could easily bring me to our warehouse where the conference room is very nice and the location is far from the toxic environment of our office where there are so many people that vehicles would not be able to make it to our building. All was set until my mother had an accident on my birthday and I thought that I would not be able to make it after all but my mother was fine (thank God!) and I did make it.

It was nice to see the auditors including the new auditors that were hired since I was gone, there were a lot of them! The auditors also appreciated the presentation both the content and the manner it was presented... ahemmm! I, on my part felt happy to do the presentation even if I did not receive any salary being on leave without pay for a couple of months already. Yes I was tired after the 4 hours presentation but it was worth it! I have been with the company for a long long time and the auditors are not just my peers but my family. I don't know if I will still be with the company next December.... No, I'm not talking of death, it may come, only God knows but I am not really thinking about that. I just thought that the office area is really a toxic environment, pollution and people wise (sooooo many people there!) and the commute is difficult and I might just find it necessary to think of other work to provide for our financial needs. So, I'm grabbing the chance of still being able to share a part of myself to them until I can.

I did not put it off for tomorrow for tomorrow may not come.

Now, that should also be the case for my spiritual service to others... Not put for tomorrow what I can do now. My action is limited at the moment but whatever I am able to do, I should do. It is difficult Lord, so please push me!

Best Birthday Gift

I have been praying for a lot of people but for sometime now I have been praying fervently for the brother of my former office mate. I met Meldy one time when I went to the hospital for my test and she told me that her brother who has multiple sclerosis was also in the hospital so that I promised her that I would include him in my prayer. I would inquire about him from time to time and his condition was not getting better... for a long time he has been in the ICU and I told her we should continue praying, then he was finally moved to a room but it was a temporary victory since he would have seizures and seemed to have lost zest for life as he sit with his sad eyes. Even Meldy was losing hope and that's the time I ask God for an urgent action! Although I have not met him and don't really know him, I found myself waking up very early in the morning with a great desire to pray for him... and I did! I would tell God that it was really urgent. Please let him go home so he could spend Christmas with his family.

And yesterday, I got a text message early in the morning from Meldy telling me that his brother was finally discharged last Saturday! Oh I told her that it was one of the best birthday news I got!

Yup yesterday was my birthday and I got good news early which made me really happy. Well I'm always happy on my birthday feeling so blessed! And knowing that we will have a family get together was something to look forward to.

And the get-together was really happy! Well that is until mama collapsed and hit her head. Blood was oozing and we all panicked! My siblings brought her to the hospital and those of us at home prayed and prayed. It was late and we suddenly grew tired but we kept on praying. Oh God, please take care of mama! I also asked for prayers from people in my community and somehow I felt at peace... I suddenly knew that God will take care of mama that even if I was on my celfone waiting for news from my sibling , I dozed off for a few minutes until I noticed a text message from my sister that mama was okay, no internal bleeding! Mama is okay!

Mama and my siblings arrived from the hospital around 4:00 am the next morning. It seemed a long time they were in the hospital! And as I look at her sleeping, I could only thank God and tell Him that mama is the best birthday gift I got! Thank you Lord!

Psalm 34

Today is the day I will get the result of my blood exam and see my doctor for confirmation of my 6th chemo, my last chemo! My past chemo treatments were just fine, the side effects for one week are predictable so even if I was in pain and uncomfortable for a few days, I know it will pass and I don't really have to worry about my sickness as my treatment is on course. However, I was apprehensive the past days because I already took antibiotic for 7 days for colds and sore throat but I still feel that I have stuffy nose and I could not have chemo if I am sick and I so desperately want to have my chemo on schedule!

When I woke up early this morning, I told God that I am afraid and could He tell me what to do. Can He please give the answer when I do my readings? I sighed and begged "Oh God, You have to answer me!" And there I read Psalm 34! I love 2 verses from that psalm and would even sing it as God's assurance to me. He just did not give me an answer that would reassure me but He gave me something He knew I love. There was nothing to be afraid of, He is in control! I was at peace as I softly and gratefully sung repeatedly...

I sought You Lord and You and answered me; from all my fears You delivered me. I look to You and I'm radiant with joy, my face is never clouded with shame. (my version of Psalm 34:5-6)

True enough, my blood result was fine and my doctor said that the stuffiness was just allergic rhinitis and that I would have my chemo as scheduled!

Thank You so much dearest Lord! Sorry if I am anxious at times. Bear with me because You really are my only hope. I love you!

Magnificat

The Responsorial Psalm for today was not from the Book of Psalms but taken from Luke 1:46-55 or Mary's Magnificat.

I have written previously how I loved the second joyful mystery - The Visitation and would ask Mama Mary to visit me and care for me as she did her cousin Elizabeth. And as I was reading the Magnificat, I reflected on Mary's life.

When the Angel Gabriel came to her to announce the birth of the savior, I was thinking that she was a bit doubtful and scared but nevertheless consented because she knew of God's promise to Israel. The Angel Gabriel also told her that her cousin Elizabeth, who was barren, was also with child and she went to visit her and care for her. It was only after Elizabeth paid her homage when the child in her womb leapt with joy upon hearing her greeting as she exclaimed "Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb!" That was Mary's assurance of God's promise, an affirmation! Any doubt that she may have during the angel's visit was gone and she was happy! It was then that she proclaimed her Magnificat!

There are also lots of times when I feel that God is asking me to do something... something beyond my comfort zone and I am afraid to move... sometimes I even stall but when I feel God's push and consent and move despite fear of what is going to happen, that's the time I feel God's affirmation and I cannot help but be grateful and thank Him for giving me the grace to heed His call.

I wish that like Mary, I will ever consent to God's call. I should realize that doubt may come and God's assurance may not come immediately but if I persevere especially in serving others as He wants me to, then I would be certain that God will comfort me and assure me and I too will proclaim my own Magnificat of God's goodness!

Joey Velasco, the Heartist

Oftentimes I would be watching or listening to the live streaming radio broadcast of Pamilya Mo, Pamilya Ko (Your Family, My Family) at the Radio Veritas. I like listening to them not only because of their topics but also because of the broadcasters' hearty laughter that is contagious. They have different guests each day based on their topic and today, their guest was Queenie Velasco, the widow of the late Joey Velasco.

She talked about her husband - his art, his book, his passion, his projects, his dreams, his legacy; their life together including how they came to be together; their faith and beliefs; and the their children.

I did not catch his full name when I started to tune in, just his first name and his work Hapag ng Pag-asa (Table of Hope), his version of the Last Supper featuring Jesus with street children. I immediately thought "I know that!" and remembered how moved I was looking at the paintings taken from a calendar that covered part of the glass windows of the bus I was riding to work. Even if the bus was so full, I tried squeezing my way slowly so I get to see his different paintings and marveled at them. And I continue to be awed each time I get to see them as I rode the bus again.

I was listening and at the same time browsing about him. He died last year of kidney cancer complication at the age of 43. Forty Three! So young! And leaving a wife and 4 children! So who's going to take care of them? Listening to Quennie dispelled the fear of what was going to happen to them, I guess He left this world knowing that his family will be taken care of.

By the proceeds from his art collection you may ask? His art collection was great and would command a big price but they decided not the sell them -- not one of them! They are works not to be sold but to proclaim God's goodness in His life, in their lives! And through them Joey would continue to share God's goodness to others! And God, never to be outdone, will take care of his family!

I was joyfully laughing at some of the anecdotes shared by Quennie but mostly my eyes were welling up from listening to her. It was not tears of sadness but of joy of the life they shared -- even through their pain in difficulties, there was love and commitment... to each other, to their families and mostly to God!

And as I was reflecting on his life, I was thinking that 43 was just a number. Yes, he left us pretty early if you think about his age BUT he fulfilled so much in that lifetime! He has touched so many people's lives and will continue to touch more through his work, his foundation, and his family.

Then I thought of my life, I'm going to be 49 soon. How long will I be around? I really don't know! Does it matter??? Well I hope to stay around a lot longer but everything is in God's hands. I've realized that age is just a number... what matters most is life that comes with it.

I have LIFE and I'd like to live that to the best I can for myself, my family, my friends, others... and yes for my God. It doesn't matter whether I am strong or I am weak. I can do something! It doesn't matter if it is great or small... I can do something!