Trip to visit Mama Mary in Carmel Lipa

At last my sister and I were finally able to visit Carmel Lipa yesterday after planning a trip to visit Our Lady, Mary Mediatrix of All Grace for a long time.

A friend gave me a sticker of the Lady Mediatrix photo which my sister placed above my bed when I was in the hospital for my operation. She would always pray the healing prayer that went with the photo, and one of the resident surgeons said his mother was a devotee of our Lady and believed in the power of prayer.

I was discharged from the hospital with a tube on my lungs since there were still liquid coming out from the drain, one of my onco-surgeon told us that I might go into chemo with the drain since my lungs would most likely continue to produce liquid as an effect of the cancer cells in my plerual. Whoa! That was bad news for me. I did not want to leave the hospital with a drain but each day stay means money so I knew I had to leave. The resident surgeon cleaned my drain and changed the bottle before I was discharged and I told him my onco-surgeon's comment and he said "don't worry, it will dry up!" he then pointed on Mama Mary's sticker and said "I believe in that!" And true enough no additional liquid flowed on my bottle when we got home on a Friday. Comes Monday, my amazed onco-surgeon removed the drain.

And now finally we went to Carmel Lipa accompanied by Nana Antang, a gracious old lady we picked up in the airbase nearby. Carmel Lipa is a lovely place, not just its chapel but the garden around the chapel and we got to talk with the nun who was in-charge of the garden, Sister Celine, I think. She is 82 but looks really young with good sense of humor. Turns out she too had stage IV ovarian cancer 40 years ago and was even given 4 months to live but look at her now! Not only that, she had a major vehicular accident in the US and broke 7 ribs and could not move for 3 months yet you don't see any sign of it when you look at her plus the insurance money she got from winning the case in that accident allowed them to improve the structures in Carmel and even put up a view deck so devotees and believers of the apparition of our lady will have an opportunity to view and meditate on the actual apparition site. She was very consoling when she told me that my sickness is a way of being one with the suffering of the Lord for humanity and that she is certain that I can handle my sickness. The Lord has really been good to me and I could feel His presence all throughout my operation and chemotherapy. I believe that He has given me a miracle by allowing me to be alive and not feeling the burden so many others with cancer had.

I should not be asking for anything more... oh well but I do! And during my prayer while meditating at the apparition site, I asked in an endearing way "Lord could I also have my own miracle petal?" I was hoping for a rose petal to fall on my feet there but none fell. Hahaha, I really did not expect a rose shower but I was just pushing my luck... in case :-)

So we left Carmel and went back to the airbase to bring back Nana Antang and have lunch before going back to Manila. I have just alighted from the car when I noticed something on the ground and picked it up. It was a small odd seed with a film collar around it like the garlic skin but finer and more transparent, I picked it up and looked more closely saw a heart inside that seed. Showed it also to my sister just to make sure that it is not just my imagination... and there is indeed a heart shape at the center. Then I saw some more and picked them up... they all had heart at the center. I asked people around to know from what plant it is but nobody knows.

Here is the front and back of my odd looking seed...


I had it scanned with a black carbon paper so it could be seen better.

Notice the heart in the middle? I know it is just from one of the plants around the area but for me to have come upon it was already a miracle considering its size. I may not have had a shower of rose petals but I did get a shower of my own special faux petal :-)

It is my miracle faux petal! It is God's reminder that He loves me and that I will always be special to Him!

HAir HAir HAir

Today I finally went out without hair cover.
It really felt nice especially since it was another warm day.

My hair was pretty long before I learned about my cancer but I had it cut short before I had my operation. Then on the onset of the 3rd week after my first chemo it started falling off. I would have wanted to see the extent of the fall off -- that is how long my hair would actually stay but it was a problem on the drain so I had it cut further just skin head, with 1 cm still on my head. Whoa... I thought I looked pretty cool! But even the very short strands were a problem in the pillow and it might just go in my nose so I decided for a full shave on the 3rd week after the second chemo. The hair fall was like a cycle, it would grow a bit but would always fall off on the onset of the 3rd week after chemo.

Even my body hair fell off and stopped growing but that was okay until my eyebrows and eyelashes started falling off on the 3rd week after the 3rd chemo. I was very careful in washing my face making sure that I don't scrub my eyebrows to make it last longer... but it started thinning and thinning until I could just count the number of strands in my eyebrows 20 on the left and 15 on the right... 7 and 5... 2 and 1. Now that didn't really look nice at all. With a bald head but with brows one could still look cool but with NO eyebrows one looked doubly bald! And since I don't use eyebrow pencil I looked pretty bald the last cycles of my chemo. As someone said, I looked like the portrait in the paintings (of women without eyebrows and large forehead). Hahaha!

But thanks God the hair came back, slowly at first then rushing out pretty fast the last days. The eyebrows came back fast and now my head is black as fine black hair are growing and there are lots of white hair sticking out also which are longer and coarse. The hair is still pretty short so they almost cling to my scalp and it feels nice to touch my head. Even without hair I would still shampoo my scalp and sometimes even ask my mom to smell it, telling her "It smells nice, huh?" then I would also borrow her comb and stroke it in my head as I look in the mirror and Esming, our help would smile at me and I would tell her "Just practicing!" But now it is no longer a practice ! My hair is back and I don't have to cover my head anymore!

Healing Mass with Fr. Fernando Suarez

There was a Healing Mass today at St. Peter Parish Church (Commonwealth) by Fr. Fernando Suarez, MMMP. We knew that the mass would start at 9:00 am but mama and I came early just in time for the 7 am mass.

There were a lot of people but it was organized and people were generally quiet and attentive to the whole service. There were 2 readings and the psalm and gospel which were different from the reading, psalm and gospel on the 7 am mass. I figured that it was an advanced Sunday Service which will be featured later on TV (I checked the readings and gospel later on my 366 Days with the Lord and true enough, they are for March 11, a Sunday and I guess they will feature the mass on that date in TV5 since I heard Fr. Suarez thanking TV5 at the end of the Eucharist).

After the mass, Fr. Suarez' coordinator told that Fr. Suarez will not only pray over the people there but would also pray for others whose pictures were brought by the people and he would also bless objects brought. Mama and I did not bring any picture of our family members but I brought my "Prayer" notebook which also contained the names of the people I am praying for, that meant that when my time comes to be prayed over, they too will be prayed over by Fr. Suarez! There were lots of ushers and guides who were directing the people on the procedure so the Pray Over was fast despite the church being full. We just fell in a horizontal line in front of the altar as Fr. Suarez comes to each, there were people in our backs ready to catch us if we fall. He did not really stay long in each person as he would just touch you. He did not lay his hand on me but actually poked his finger on my mid-left abdomen...

As in the past it made me wonder why he touched me there!

This is not the first time that I had the occasion of attending a Holy Eucharist he has presided since he celebrated the Holy Eucharist in our office already where I had the honor of being the commentator and even held hands with him during the singing of the Lord's prayer in one occasion. He visited our office trice already and I was there on two occasions, since the last time he came I was having my 6th chemotherapy. I wanted to be there but I could not and it is a good thing that he came to our parish so I could attend!

But back to his visits in our office -- his hands softly touched my belly during his Pray Over. He placed his hands on others head or shoulder but twice he placed his hands on my abdomen. That was before I learned of my cancer. Somehow, he could feel where your sickness is and I believe those touch helped in making my cancer level not too high despite it having metastasized to other organs already. And now he poked on my left abdomen, I wonder if God told him to zap the stone in my kidney? It showed in the CT-Scan before and the doctors did not touch it. I certainly hope he did!

There were instant physical healing in that service. People clapped every time someone testifies to their healing, after all physical healing is a clearer sign of a miracle. Fr. Suarez and other healing priests have said again and again that they are not the ones who heal but they are just instruments. God decides who is healed!

Yup, God decides! He knows what is best for us and He has His own perfect timing. We just have to believe in Him. He is reminding me again that he is in control of my life, those people in my Prayer notebook and all others who come to Him!

A Thank You from the Heart

It is Valentine's day once again, a special day for lovers!

Of course we are all lovers and everyday is a day of love and we don't just wait for this day to express it BUT it is also good to really pause for a while and reflect on all the good things we shared and continually share with our family and friends and realize how blessed we are for all the love shared.

I've always felt so blessed to be surrounded with people who love me, care for me and look up to me that sometimes I feel embarrassed to get so much even if sometimes I feel that I do not even deserve them. I especially felt the love during my sickness when so many people prayed for me, cared for me, supported me and uplifted me. Their goodness and kindness, I could never repay so I ask God to bless them a thousand fold for all the goodness and love they've given me.

I also dedicate this song from The Carpenters. I wish I could have made my own video and even sung the song but nevertheless realize that the message comes from my heart.



Thank You so much! God bless you all!!!

The Presentation at the Altar

Today is the feast day of the Presentation of our Lord Jesus in the Temple. We also call this feast as “Candelaria” because people bring candles to church to be blessed.

The Presentation

I brought a lot of candles when I went to our chapel this morning and when I arrived the priest told us that we will light the candle and join in the entrance procession and we will stay in front as he says the prayer for the blessing of the candles, and that if you have many candles you just have to light one and just bring along with you the rest.

Some of the church people were not aware of the feast so they asked candle from me and I gave them, and since I already gave some of my candles to some people I decided to just retain one for myself and give the rest to those sitting in the pews so they too could join in the procession. Most who had extra candles saw that and also started giving to others. So it turned out that almost all the people in the chapel joined in the procession and were blessed together with the candles!

I was thinking “How great!” Oftentimes people are just asked to bring their candles in front and then the priest will bless them after mass but there we were lighting our candles and being blessed with our candles. It was like we were presenting ourselves to God!

I thought that I would light the remaining of the candle at home tonight when the family prays the rosary, an appropriate use of the blessed candle as the blessing is shared with my family. But something else came to mind, I too was presented at the altar and blessed by the priest, shouldn’t I be the LIGHT for others? Of course I should! That is the role of every Christian. BUT sometimes I don’t really know how to make my light shine properly… even with my good intention, some of my action backfires as people closest to me and whom I want to bring to the Lord seems to move away further…

That was answered by the priest’s homily…

Waiting

Fr. Mon’s homily did not focus on Jesus but on Simeon and Anna… their waiting!

They were two old people who were promised of Christ’s coming early on in their lives. That they would live to see His coming. And they had to wait… and wait… and wait. But they just did not wait, they patiently waited believing on God’s promise! And true enough they witnessed Christ’s coming.

I too am waiting… PRAYING for a lot of things to happen, waiting for some of my prayers to be answered… praying for complete healing for myself and others… waiting for the transformation of loved ones! Many people who grieve also wait for joy to come back to their lives… pray for their pains to go away… to finally find what they are looking for.

We should all follow the examples of Simeon and Anna. We wait with hope always believing in God’s promise for in His time and in His way our prayers will be answered!